As with many things, it's been a while since I've posted on here, and I miss it. Some things I don't miss.

For example, this chick who I was best friends with. Who understood me like no other. We very recently fell out because I made a joke about some other chick she was hanging out with being bulimic. Shit happens. Anyway, there were these awkward two months in which she was still talking to my boyfriend whilst awkwardly avoiding me and it got gay, so I did something I wouldn't normally do and e-mailed her. Anyway. It didn't work, I've moved on. I feel like I've grown up more in the past few weeks then I have my whole life up to this point. That e-mail was cathartic. So was being caught in a hailstorm with my boyfriend and realising it was the same place we used to sit when we'd finished our GCSE exams in the summer. I'd never seen anything so big and beautiful shivering.

I may not like the way the world is, but I'm happy.
I may not be perfect, but I'm pretty.
I may not be the smartest, but someone out there loves me.
If I'm not a poet I can still be a mother.
I'm brave, all things considered.
I no longer wish everyone knew how funny I can be.
I resent the suggestion I have to fight aging/weight gain/grays/leg hair/myself.

I am happy!
Happy!

(Now go make yourself a chocolate drink, spend a few minutes actually looking at the window, teach yourself to do sit ups properly, find an aquarium. Look into the aquarium. Discover why cows are beautiful. Smile at people carrying instruments on public transport. Smile like an idiot.)

For once I don't want to be a big ambiguous poo - i just want to say thanks. This is serving as impetus to make me get up off my ass and delete all my embarassingly old and shit stuff off here if people are actually going to read it. And as a strange sort of thankyou, I have a new poem - sort of rubbishy, and i wasn't going to upload it, but perhaps I will now.

you're all beautiful, and thankyou from the bottom of my lev!

(and hello mum. :/)

so i don't feel like i'm part of anything anymore. so I had a mental break down in school.

i'm not pregnant anymore.

oh, and I won the foyle young poet of the year award for Peckham Rye Lane?

then fainted on oxford street - i was blind for a few minutes, everything in french connection went as white as the dress i was buying

I ate pomegranate seeds, shook hands with my boyfriend's uncles, who asked if i was learning to speak hebrew. I cant speak anything anymore. asked not to be judged too harshly. Maybe not by god but i sure as hell know everyone else will now.

English Literature - A*
English Language - A*
History - A*
Relegious Education - A*
Art & Design - A*
Double Award Science - BB
Physical Education - B
Graphic Design - C
Mathematics - C

Kosher.

Chewing on my sleeves triggers a gag reflex. Where are you? Are you lonesome tonight, do you miss me tonight?

Worried my sweet love has died?

you really are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You blush like a girl, your lips~

I'm sorry for all the mindfuck. holdmenow.